THE worst day of my life

no really...it WAS the worst day of my life.

Let me tell you about it.

I dressed up GREAT for my observing interview.

-white button down shirt

-black pin-striped pants

-black nine west pumps (heels, for you guys)

I felt smokin'. And confident enough to win over any crowd.

I got to the interview 30 minutes early. I was among 5 people waiting. At one point, one of the other girls looked at my heels and said:

girl: "ooh. good luck with those shoes".

me: "uh.. what do you mean?"

girl: "didn't anyone tell you to wear comfortable shoes?"

me: "I do NOT recall anyone mentioning that."

girl: "...."

me: "WHY would we need comfortable shoes!?"

I waited, nervously, about an hour before someone came to get me. I was walked into E's room and was introduced to MD, my interviewer for the day. He was tall, charming, and ready to wisk me out of the room.

S (another interviewee) and I follow MD down the stairs - the entire time I am wondering where the HELL we were going..

MD: "it's going to be a tight fit with five of us!"

WHAT?! - I immediately thought. We're leaving? Where are we going? I finally get to ask my questions while in the piece of shit car and MD politely states we're "going into the field".

Basically? We're door to door salespeople. We were driving to Pewaukee to walk around all day. ALL day. I immediately think - IN PUMPS?! - and lose my mind.

I think I made it about 25 minutes before I wanted to kill myself. Thankfully we walked past a salon that was selling flip flops. Cool guy MD offers to buy me a $5 pair of sandals for foot relief.

THESE sandals.

Aren't these the most

ridiculous

hideous

inSANE

sandals you've ever seen??

THESE are what I walked around in

all day.

Tell me about ridiculous...

So we walk around long enough that I remember why I hate thong sandals. THEY give me blisters, too. We decide to go to lunch and happily agree on Cousins subs. During lunch MD gave me a rundown on the potential to grow in the company. Not gonna lie, thats where I found motivation to go on -- to know that I could move up quickly. So we end lunch and immediately after .....it starts pouring. I imagine we 'd call it a day or some sort of plan B.

Nooooot at all.

It poured. We continued to walk. And walk.
I was dripping - literally - from head to toe. I was soaked to my underwear. We walked around for about five more hours. FIVE, people. We walked through grass, gravel, mud, and EVEN POISEN IVY. At one point I started to get numb and MD thoughtfully offered me a sweatshirt.

So by this point, I was wearing...

- wild,crazy, and frizzy hair

- a bright red oversized champion sweatshirt

- black pinstriped pants that were entirely wrinkled

- and neon green sandals that started to turn funky

Nevermind that I was shivering. Nevermind that I was turning purple. Nevermind that I was walking ON my BRAND NEW EXPENSIVE PANTS THAT WERE TOO LONG FOR SANDALS. yeah, I eventually ruined the bottom of them. Ruined. I walked a hole right through them.

At this point I was debating if I should just call someone to rescue me. But at about 5:30, we decided just to go back to the office.

I waited another 45 minutes before getting into my final interview. I nailed it. Funny, because I had no desire to get the job -- and I got it. After a fucking miserable rotten day I said yes?!?! So my new leader MD tells me to come out later for a beer and I make a mad dash for my car.

I think I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I cried the entire way home. Not only because I was so fucking miserable.. .but because I can't understand why I a)stayed the entire time and b) accepted the position.

I'm calling tomorrow morning to tell them to fuck off. And then asking for their corporate number so I can call and complain. I've NEVER felt like such a piece....never.

I look back and laugh... but honestly? WHAT THE FUCK.

some more pictures for your humor...

10 Things About Myself I'm Not Proud Of

1. I'm hormonal. I'm also Mexican/Sicilian which only adds to the temper tantrums.. but seriously. I've started on new pills that I'm hoping will help, but I can't see a big turnaround yet..

2. I'm in therapy. It was something *I* opted for when I left my fiance. Some sort of guiding light because I haven't felt this loss since... well... lets face it I've always felt lost and I've always been in therapy. I've heard things like "abondonment issues"..."anxiety disorder"..." co-dependence". So basically I know I *should* be talking to someone.

3. I'm co-dependant. If you don't know what it is, look it up. But basically it's the root of every male problem in my life. And why I have such a fucking time with boys... and will for most of my life.

4. I'm selfish. I think it comes from the fact that it's a dog-eat-dog world.. but sometimes it makes me feel bad. But only sometimes..

5. I always feel like I could do MORE. I'm 22 and the possibilities are endless. And what do I do? There are so many interests I have and I don't know how I lose motivation from point A to point B. It just kills me.

6. I trust people too easily. I'm naive. I'm gullable. And I don't know any better. nuff said.

7. I sleep too much. I think this has something to do with number 1

8. I'm truly lazy. I'd LOVE to do more.. but theres just no one in my life that really pushes me. Not that I need someone to physically PUSH me, but no one even asks. I don't have many friends that get into things like mountain biking and ask if I'd like to go. And theres no way I'd start a group myself... get serious!

9. I can't just BE. I'm always searching, waiting, wondering. I think this comes from my anxiety problems. I just hate that I rely on other things to *make* me happy.

10. I'm needy. In a lot of ways. And I just can't.....


Why am I sharing all of this today? Because I need to move....move forward. I'm sick of waking up, looking in the mirror and being completely dissatisfied.

It's Everywhere!

my therapist gave me this poem and it's so fucking true I've posted it everywhere...

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open
and learn to build all your roadson today because tomorrows ground
is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
a way of falling down mid-flight
after a while you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much
so you plan your own garden and decorate
your own soul instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers
and you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and learn...
with every goodbye you learn