My *almost* DUI

Back in 09 I was still humping whatshishead. We'd frequent each other on Friday nights after we were all happy and liquored up. Not always, but we all know my drunk dial...

One Friday I made it out to Happy Hour in Boynton. Most of you who have drank with me, know it doesn't take much.
One - ok
Two - I'm warm
Three - I'm pulling out my cell phone.
Me: " how soon can you be in your bed?"

I lived 20 minutes away. So I hopped on I-95. I pull off the exit and receive a text.
NM: "Trouble getting my buddy out the bar. Stall. Text you when I'm close"

Lucky for me there was a bar near his house that I loved. The Dubliner. Don't ask. I have a thing for irish pubs.
I sit down. Have a fourth vodka soda in the middle of a group of Cubans. They bought my drink. I drank only a few sips and got the text message I was waiting on. "Sorry Guys. My fathers only wish is that I never marry a Cuban. GottaGO."

There was a parking garage attached to the bar. Well lit and very safe. I climb in my car and exit. La La La. Making my way amidst the traffic I catch the red and blue. My heart sank. Hard. And suddenly - peace. Well, it's obvious I'll never get past this so I might as well accept it.

I grab my license and roll down the window. I'm ready to go to prison.

Officer1: "Ma'am. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Officer I have Nooooo idea."
Officer1: [bends down closer] "your lights are off"
--- Inside I am screaming YOU IDIOT, VALENCIA!
Me: [checks switch. turns switch to ON]: "Well. It looks like they are working just fine, officer"
Officer1: [blinks] "uh. you smell like you've been drinking tonight."
Me: "Well yes in fact I was. I just pulled out the parking garage at the Dubliner which is why I didn't notice my lights weren't on. I had ONE vodka/soda there."
Officer1: "I'm going to need you to step out the car"

I've learned that it's important just to follow directions. After dating a cop I realized it's really not worth the effort to tell them where to stick it. Again, I also was well aware I wasn't getting away with it this time. I got out of the car with my hands folded behind my back in advance. And I notice a second cop walk up... fuck. A double team frisk.

Officer1: "Officer 2 here is going to give you a standard sobriety test. Please follow his directions"
--- I'm already trying to remember what the first letter of the alphabet is..
Officer2: "Please follow the pen with your eyes."
--- If you've ever done the pen test or know how it works, you know you can't fake it. My eyes were WATERING I was trying to focus so bad. Clearly an epic fail. After he scolded me twice for moving my head while floating my eyeballs around randomly he said:
Officer2: "I'm going to go ahead and say you are twice the legal limit"
Me: "WHAT?! Nuh-uh."
--- Somewhere amongst the questioning I had mentioned I was going to my friends house. While Officer 1 and 2 discussed the situation and rubbed their distended bellies I heard:
O1: "Well, what do you think we should do?"
O2: "Well. She's got no record. And it's close to midnight"
-- (shift change. important to make a mental note of)
O1: "Well if your friend can come get you and you guys can get rid of this car, we'll let you off this time."
Me: "Uh that idiot *better* come get me!"
--- I call whatshishead and tell him that if he doesn't pick me up I'm going to jail. He starts scolding away. He agrees to pick my pathetic ass up and chimes in that I owe him. Yeah Yeah Yeah. It was all of 2 miles from his front door.

While I stand there, I have a conversation with Officer 1. I'm a bit mopey at this point. I explain I used to date a cop and I knew better. Ugh, sure V. And he told me
O1: "Well most people have no idea how alcohol affects them. If you *want* I will let you blow the breathilizer and you can see for yourself?"
--- trick? sexual innuendo?
So I blew. I don't know the final number because it went flying through so many that he yanked it out of my hands before it stopped - maybe a sudden call to his conscience. I tapped my feet. Whistled a bit. A few minutes of silence pass. It's raining. I called NM and he was on his way.
O1: "So what do you do?
Me: "I uh.. well.. I am an admin for an IT company"
O1: "Where do you work - In Boca?"
Me: "Mm hmm"
O1: "Do you have a business card?"
Me: "uh. they don't give business cards to admins"
--- I shoot a look over to Officer 2 who throws both hands in the air as to plead the fifth.
O2: "Well, here's my business card. If you ever need anything..."

--- Now, I'm the most fair person I know. I NEVER would try and get off a ticket that I deserved. And after he said that I was instantly aggravated. I should have been relieved, and of course afterwards I was, but I just felt... violated? I could already hear what my guy friends were going to say...

I took the business card and shortly thereafter NM pulled up. I felt like a 5 year old. I opened the truck door and he just looked at me. Shook his head. And before I even took one step up he said:
NM: "Tell me the truth. Did you blow him?!"
Me: "Are you fucking kidding me?!
NM: "Well all the trouble you just got out of, you probably should. Go. I'll wait."

--- I grumbled and got in the car. He ranted the whole way home about how expensive DUI's are and how lucky I am and how if it were him he'd definitely would have gotten the ticket...

And at along last, we hopped into bed, ready to do fi.na.lly get naked.

NM: "Uh. I don't have a condom"
Me: "Wait.A.Minute. You mean to tell me that I drove 20 minutes, drunk, almost got a DUI, got hit on by a cop, all to get over here and now I can't even do WHAT I CAME HERE TO DO!?"
NM: [smiles] you do owe me...

A second breathalizer test later, still drunk. But not in jail :)

Bacon...And Go

By 8th grade I had successfuly avoided most responsibilities children experience in their formative years. The only time I spent doing those boring things called chores was when I lived with my AR. Cooking was never one of these.

Most of you know my father spent 8 years in prison (GoDad!) And I highly anticipated getting to know the man I had lost my relationship with at 4. I was now 13.

Dad: "Valencia!! Will you make your father breakfast?"
Me: "Uh. Cheerios or Frosted Mini Wheats"
Dad: "Cute. I'll take a cheese omlete, bacon, and some toast"
Me: [blink]
This would be the first lesson my father inspired after returning home..

I called my grandmother.
What pan do I use?
How long?
How many eggs?
How much cheese!
How do I form it just so?!

The egg turned out to be the easy part. Even now, Omletes are my specialty. But it was the bacon that did it.

I threw it on the pan. In a pool of butter. Too much? Whatever. He's skinny from prison food.

OUCH! That motherfucker just bit me!
Dad: "Shimmy! Quit swearing, God Dammit! I don't like it!"

I had a process of tossing the bacon from 2 feet away so that I wouldn't get any stinging grease skeets. And my attempts at trying to turn it over reminded me of fencing. I'd find the longest utensil and poke at it. quickly. Fighting the grease monsters. I'm pretty sure I made the appropriate noses to go along with such nonsense.

An hour later, after much fighting, greasing, swearing, and (oh yes) burning.. voila.

Dad: "Valencia. It's cold"

Me: "Try the dollar menu"

Set Adrift On Memory Bliss....

For those that do not know, my job consists of being an employment screener. 90% of my job is looking at criminal backgrounds. As you can imagine, most of the charges are the same..
speeding
speeding
driving without license
speeding
Oh! Crimes Against Nature *giggle*

Well once in a great while I come across "Faulty Speedometer".

------

I take you back to 2002. I owned a klunky White Dodge Neon aka 'The Shitter Bitter'. This car was purchased from a lovely Indian family who sent their daughter of to college. I ruined this car. Most of you know me as a speed demon, and driving a 4 cylinder was agony. Regardless I manage to crank my way around most of southeast Wisconsin.

At 17 I had an affinity for Bacardi O and Corona. I was lucky enough to have a cousin who would purchase said liquor. One evening I called on Sir Gus-Gus to aid the ever-lushing-lunatics and buy us some booze.

"hurry up, shimmy"

I always found it evil there was a cop car that parked at the church off six mile. I mean how fair is that, really? Here I am THANKING the lord for such things as booze and teenage stupidity and just like that I got lights in my rear view. I should probably turn down the Lil' Jon pulsing from the 15" speaker in back..

"Ma'am. Can I ask why you were going 60 in a 40 zone?"

Do I tell him I'm in a mad rush to get drunk and stupid?

"Well to be honest, I'm just rushing home to have dinner with my Aunt. As you can see on my license I'm almost there. Nevermind the 4 inch heels I've got on. If I don't move the seat far back enough, it gives my gas pedal a boost" *beams*

-----
Of course I got a ticket going 20 over. Actually brought it to 15 because I was too precious to be taken to jail for reckless driving..
But I was required to go to court.

Roy takes me. The convicted felon father. If this didn't make me sweat already...

When I'm called upon, Roy takes the seat next to me in front of the judge.

"Whats your plea"

Roy: Well actually sir, my daughters car has a broken speedometer and --

"IF YOU'RE TRYING TO ARGUE A FAULTY SPEEDOMETER IN *MY* COURT YOU'RE WAY OFF MR. VILLARREAL"

My father was rosey with rage. And as I saw his lips curl and legs straighten up to stand I kicked him right the hell back down. Thats it. I was going to jail...

------
I shut my eyes as hard as I could hoping I could wish my way out of the seat next to a grumbling and enraged mexican man. He continued to mutter under his breath. The judge asked us to leave and sent us on our way with a fine.

"You know, Shimmy.. my leg kinda hurts. Did you think I was going to get us in trouble?"
Cue that shit-eatin grin he sports every time he thinks he's done something clever..

"Yeah, Dad. I wasn't about to argue with the man that holds the key to my freedom."

"Well for the record, Valencia, I'm only afraid of SUPREME court judges. Not these fuckin little guys out in the middle of nowhere. SUPREME court judges. The ones that have to look down at your from waaay up there ..."

He continued on most of the way home. And to be honest, I miss those ridiculous talks now. Between me and Roy - Badass - Villarreal. So everytime I find a that charge listed, I giggle a little. And I hope I always will.

I don't know anything anymore..

I came home, sure that I could do this. I could fly 1400 miles away and be alright.

Today I stared at a few dozen familiar faces...all looking at me like a basket case. Nervous to give me hugs. I spoke a little and found my chest getting heavy, my stomach churning - and I excused myself.

My dog doesn't sit with me anymore. I've been gone so long he doesn't snuggle with me on the couch. He snuggles Ari instead.
I don't have the comfort of many - as I do the sympathy. Theres a difference, ya know..

I can tell my mind is drifting into murky places and I'm glad I'll be seeing my therapist tomorrow. But then again, I don't know quite what she'll do for me.

I'm scared - terrified - to go to work. I'm afraid I'll lose it altogether. I'm afraid I wont smile. I'm afraid my heart will stop as it has these past few days..

My eyes feel as though they have been bent inside out. I can't cry...

It Hurts...

I think you can all imagine the feelings going through my head.
I've been to many funerals in my life, lost a lot of loved ones, but I've never had someone viciously taken from me.

It's hard not to imagine the scene, as much as I don't want to. Every time I close my eyes I have visions of my father and a 12 gauge staring at him in.

The hardest part is knowing he died that way. He died at one of the happiest times in his life. He died with two giant gaping holes in his stomach and no one to comfort him at the hospital.

It's sickening. It makes my chest hurt. I can't cry anymore, I can't breathe, and I can't sit still..

And the woooorst part?

I haven't even seen his body yet. I have an eerie feeling about the moment I step into Sturino's funeral home. It's going to be the hardest thing in my life. And I just hope I take enough perscription meds not to fall over completely... but I'm pretty sure I will.

Aside from the normal numbness, I have to admit - I'm furious. Oddly enough it's not with the others involved. It's the news.

The media has failed me. It has exploited my Dad's murder, printed false information, printed unnecessary information, and turned it into just an article.

The one thing I learned from all of this public circus is that.. life goes on. Just like we watch the news every day and hear another murder... this ones no different. It's what we are. It's the animalistic instinct inside of us to turn the page and write off a tragedy.. And now that it's finally hit home? No words..

It's hard reading the hard facts from a paper when no one in my family wants to tell me themselves. I didn't know the murderer used a shot gun. I didn't know he wasn't in custody right away. And I NEVER knew my father suffered enough to be transported to a hospital.

With all the details put in place, and a foul taste in my mouth, it still wasn't enough to read an article describing the scene at the hotel..

"there was blood splattered all over the grass"

And that is when I lost it.

I am petrified. Petrified of staring at my father's lifeless body. I have no idea if my body can withstand that. In fact, I'm pretty sure it can't. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fall over, go limp, throw up, scream... and cry? Do I have any tears left?

I just don't know what I'm gonna do...

Grandma B

Once in a blue moon I'll drift off to sleep and dream about her. I have to say, I wish I could dream about her more often...
The dream fell along the normal 'nightmare' path.. someone trying to kill me. I ended up catching them and turning them into the police and after a long brawl I went home. I couldn't sleep so at 1am I called my grandma and stayed with her. And when I woke up, I realize thats what I've truly been missing... just some quality time with the person who loved me most. I miss being able to call her at all hours and just vent and having her comforting voice on the other end.

It's been two years..
At this time in '06 she was in "Select" - a horrible wing of St. Luke's Hospital in Milwaukee. It's where most of the damage was done. I'd visit her and on some days she was hysterical.. she thought she was in prison and asked me to take her home. She would yell at scream and not have any clue what was going on. Those were some of the most emotional months for me.. I used to leave the hospital bawling..

I've struggled with analyzing how her death has really affected me..and I haven't quite gotten an answer. I know it's part of how messy the last few years of my life have been.. I can't say that I've made any positive movement since she passed away.. I've just been very reactionary. I wonder what that means?

I've promised myself to make good use out of this move. I'm dedicating my time here to *finding myself*. I've been through a lot of therapy and medications but it's about time I get a significant grasp on things. If not for me.. for Grandma B.

Powerful Stuff...

Saturday was my first day of training for the Sexual Assualt Services volunteer program I am participating in. Eight whole hours of facts and questions and even a little pizza..

It was an astonishing eye opener. I used to consider myself educated and aware and until this afternoon I didn't realize how wrong I was.. There are so many statistics that shocked me. There is so much information I was unaware of. And lastly, it killed me to see how I feed the negative stereotypes that keep sexual assault victims in the dark. My thought process is/was a little backwards and I truly look forward to altering my views and then spreading positive education to everyone I know..

The meeting also touched me on some serious levels.... I had no idea the emotions I had suppressed. No idea...
I look forward to exploring those emotions and hopefully using my new knowledge to get my own demons out. I'm pretty sure they're the reason I'm in therapy. Finally.. years and years later.. I'm starting to open up and it feels good to breathe easier..

Saying Goodbye to the B-B-Y

Adios iPods, cell phones, home phones
Peace out Panasonic, GE, and Vtech
So Long Samsung, Insignia, and KAJEET

I'm outa here!

It's a sad departure, but a good one. I'll miss each and every coworker of mine for the different ways they all made me smile...
It felt like a second home and I really enjoyed *most* of my time spent there. Ok, so only the time I went running around the store to avoid customers..
Nonetheless.. I have some funny stories to share.

#1
[gentlemen asks me to find him a docking FM transmitter for his boat]
Me: "I like Griffin myself, sir. This one right here should do ya good.
Dude: "Great. Thanks Val. So you wanna come install this on my boat? In a bikini maybe?"

#2
[returning customer spots me from a mile away and waves with a big smile]
Me: "heeey how are you doing (completely blank as to what he did the first time he came in)
Dude: "hey I'm looking to sign up another cell phone...
[continue boring sales pitch, no sale, and a farewell]
Me: "Well I'd say see ya when you come back tomorrow, but I'll be gone."
Dude: "What?!"
Me: "Yeah. Moving to Racine. Leaving the store"
Dude: "Where?"
Me: Yeah, Racine...?"
Dude: "Address?!"
Me: [cue strange look?]
Dude: "Well ya, I drive down past Racine all the time..."
Me: "riight"

#3
[phone call]
Me: "Thanks for calling Best Buy Wireless, this is Val, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Yeah, do you have the number for Circuit City?"

#4
[helping customer look at iPods. Short, pudgey, funny-lookin businessman with a terrible lisp]
Me: "Well sir, what exactly will you be putting on the iPod? Music? Movies?"
BM: " Well Yessss, mostly mussssic, and well.. this is gonna sssound weird but, can I put ssself help tapessss on there?"
Me: "uh ya".

#5
[enter guy who is waaay too into his looks. Short, tan, and has a tight T shirt on trying to define his muscles he's obviously worked hard for]
Muscles: "I have some reward certificates on my computer I can't print off. Could you guys do it for me?"
Me: "If our computers can access the email site, we should be able to. Some websites are prohibited..(bla bla bla). If you just give me your information, I'll take it in the back office and use that computer. It will be the only one that would work, if any.
Muscles: "Ok. [scribbles down info]
Me: [walks into backroom and lays paper out to see what email account he has. cue LOUD LAUGHTER]
BackOffice: "What??"
Me: "His password. It's STUDLY35"

---------
i'll have to think of some more later..

Funny Story Three..

I forgot a good story and my wonderful sister reminded me today while writing in her blog.

We got onto the subject of boys and their PePes, and the fact that they are uber self conscious. I was telling her about the day I last glanced at a Magnum condom.
[during intense foreplay]
Me: "no sex without a condom pal, you got any on you?"
Dude: "yeah. in my pants pocket"
[leaning off bed and digging into pockets.. pull out a Magnum]
Me: "A Magnum?! Who the hell did you steal *this* from?!!?"

My sister is convinced this is the reason he doesn't like me anymore. My response? "ya well.."

Funny Story!

Actually, I've got two. Numero Uno..

Yesterday I spent most of my afternoon sitting in my room transferring CDs to iTunes. I have this huge window next to me that Chico and I peek out of daily. Per usual, when he perks up, I assume there is a dog running around the backyard inspiring his curiosity. I took a look out yesterday and there was a giant woman shuffling along with a gorgeous golden retriever who was bouncing around like a maniac on his leash. Then, out of nowhere, flies this little pixie of a white puff ball puppy and the retriever loses it. He does circles around his giant owner and she spins like a top. I don't think me and Chico could have snorted any harder.. I should have taken a picture..

Story #2.
I've been meaning to get back onto my meds and last night I started up again. I truly forgot how much I hate starting those things... Nautious as all hell!
Big Sis: "how many did you take?"
Lil Sis: "one and a half. thats what I was taking.."
Big Sis: "you DUMBASS! you can't just start up on them like that. You have to easy onto them"
Lil Sis: "oh......"
Big Sis: "are you sure you're my sister?!?"

--So apparently thats why I was so sick, but in my defense, they would have made me nautious anyway. It was no fun tossing and turning and watching the clock and putting on music and laying on my back, then tummy, the side, then I'm hot, then I'm not...

ugh. drained. and I still feel a little natious. and a little like I'm going to get my stupid*fucking period. Perrrfecto!

THE worst day of my life

no really...it WAS the worst day of my life.

Let me tell you about it.

I dressed up GREAT for my observing interview.

-white button down shirt

-black pin-striped pants

-black nine west pumps (heels, for you guys)

I felt smokin'. And confident enough to win over any crowd.

I got to the interview 30 minutes early. I was among 5 people waiting. At one point, one of the other girls looked at my heels and said:

girl: "ooh. good luck with those shoes".

me: "uh.. what do you mean?"

girl: "didn't anyone tell you to wear comfortable shoes?"

me: "I do NOT recall anyone mentioning that."

girl: "...."

me: "WHY would we need comfortable shoes!?"

I waited, nervously, about an hour before someone came to get me. I was walked into E's room and was introduced to MD, my interviewer for the day. He was tall, charming, and ready to wisk me out of the room.

S (another interviewee) and I follow MD down the stairs - the entire time I am wondering where the HELL we were going..

MD: "it's going to be a tight fit with five of us!"

WHAT?! - I immediately thought. We're leaving? Where are we going? I finally get to ask my questions while in the piece of shit car and MD politely states we're "going into the field".

Basically? We're door to door salespeople. We were driving to Pewaukee to walk around all day. ALL day. I immediately think - IN PUMPS?! - and lose my mind.

I think I made it about 25 minutes before I wanted to kill myself. Thankfully we walked past a salon that was selling flip flops. Cool guy MD offers to buy me a $5 pair of sandals for foot relief.

THESE sandals.

Aren't these the most

ridiculous

hideous

inSANE

sandals you've ever seen??

THESE are what I walked around in

all day.

Tell me about ridiculous...

So we walk around long enough that I remember why I hate thong sandals. THEY give me blisters, too. We decide to go to lunch and happily agree on Cousins subs. During lunch MD gave me a rundown on the potential to grow in the company. Not gonna lie, thats where I found motivation to go on -- to know that I could move up quickly. So we end lunch and immediately after .....it starts pouring. I imagine we 'd call it a day or some sort of plan B.

Nooooot at all.

It poured. We continued to walk. And walk.
I was dripping - literally - from head to toe. I was soaked to my underwear. We walked around for about five more hours. FIVE, people. We walked through grass, gravel, mud, and EVEN POISEN IVY. At one point I started to get numb and MD thoughtfully offered me a sweatshirt.

So by this point, I was wearing...

- wild,crazy, and frizzy hair

- a bright red oversized champion sweatshirt

- black pinstriped pants that were entirely wrinkled

- and neon green sandals that started to turn funky

Nevermind that I was shivering. Nevermind that I was turning purple. Nevermind that I was walking ON my BRAND NEW EXPENSIVE PANTS THAT WERE TOO LONG FOR SANDALS. yeah, I eventually ruined the bottom of them. Ruined. I walked a hole right through them.

At this point I was debating if I should just call someone to rescue me. But at about 5:30, we decided just to go back to the office.

I waited another 45 minutes before getting into my final interview. I nailed it. Funny, because I had no desire to get the job -- and I got it. After a fucking miserable rotten day I said yes?!?! So my new leader MD tells me to come out later for a beer and I make a mad dash for my car.

I think I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I cried the entire way home. Not only because I was so fucking miserable.. .but because I can't understand why I a)stayed the entire time and b) accepted the position.

I'm calling tomorrow morning to tell them to fuck off. And then asking for their corporate number so I can call and complain. I've NEVER felt like such a piece....never.

I look back and laugh... but honestly? WHAT THE FUCK.

some more pictures for your humor...

10 Things About Myself I'm Not Proud Of

1. I'm hormonal. I'm also Mexican/Sicilian which only adds to the temper tantrums.. but seriously. I've started on new pills that I'm hoping will help, but I can't see a big turnaround yet..

2. I'm in therapy. It was something *I* opted for when I left my fiance. Some sort of guiding light because I haven't felt this loss since... well... lets face it I've always felt lost and I've always been in therapy. I've heard things like "abondonment issues"..."anxiety disorder"..." co-dependence". So basically I know I *should* be talking to someone.

3. I'm co-dependant. If you don't know what it is, look it up. But basically it's the root of every male problem in my life. And why I have such a fucking time with boys... and will for most of my life.

4. I'm selfish. I think it comes from the fact that it's a dog-eat-dog world.. but sometimes it makes me feel bad. But only sometimes..

5. I always feel like I could do MORE. I'm 22 and the possibilities are endless. And what do I do? There are so many interests I have and I don't know how I lose motivation from point A to point B. It just kills me.

6. I trust people too easily. I'm naive. I'm gullable. And I don't know any better. nuff said.

7. I sleep too much. I think this has something to do with number 1

8. I'm truly lazy. I'd LOVE to do more.. but theres just no one in my life that really pushes me. Not that I need someone to physically PUSH me, but no one even asks. I don't have many friends that get into things like mountain biking and ask if I'd like to go. And theres no way I'd start a group myself... get serious!

9. I can't just BE. I'm always searching, waiting, wondering. I think this comes from my anxiety problems. I just hate that I rely on other things to *make* me happy.

10. I'm needy. In a lot of ways. And I just can't.....


Why am I sharing all of this today? Because I need to move....move forward. I'm sick of waking up, looking in the mirror and being completely dissatisfied.

It's Everywhere!

my therapist gave me this poem and it's so fucking true I've posted it everywhere...

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open
and learn to build all your roadson today because tomorrows ground
is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
a way of falling down mid-flight
after a while you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much
so you plan your own garden and decorate
your own soul instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers
and you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and learn...
with every goodbye you learn

To Live In The Moment

It's a concept I cannot grasp, or can I?

*my* version of living right now...

- disregard all cleaning responsibilities to have *fun* until something smells and you can't find it..

- procrastinate things like 'grocery shopping' until you've successfully hit every fast food chain within a mile.

-Decide to clean clothes after they're piling the floor because you've put off putting the *clean* clothes laying around in the actual hampers. Oh, and then put away the piles of clothes you once folded and stacked on your dresser THREE loads of laundry ago..

- Disregard pieces of paper that say "ToDo" and instead use them as coasters, inevitabley spilling - thereby making illegible blotted ink marks and the ToDo list pointless.

-Leave the new 12pk of glasses sitting on the counter because it is easier to reach a glass off the counter instead of in the cupboard.

-Lose all 4 calendars you've printed out and placed in convenient places so you know what the hell is going on at all times.

-Forget important doses of *crazypills* and drink with the ones you actually remember to take.

-Forget to call friends and wish them happy birthdays but remember to tell everyone about the free Subway meal you got last night..

-Leave any and all homework until the last minute because it seems as though life is more fun like a doped up rockstar and school can always wait..

************
somtimes. only sometimes. I wonder about myself.

Comic

Well I don't know about *you*, but now I can rest easy knowing this

ok. slight sarcasm. but how random is the news these days?!

Random enough that *this* is big news, too.

Seriously. Should I be excited?

i can dream.

LOVE this bag.

the shoes I drooled over in Florida. How *fun*!?!?

I think I might still get them...

It's Sunny Here..

And incredibly windy. The past few days I've found sand in my eyes, ears, nose, mouth... ugh.
The beach wasn't so pleasant, but it was the beach nonetheless. It was the beautiful blue ocean and I loved every minute of it. I even mustered enough courage to get a little wet despite the "Man O War" warnings. At least it wasn't sharks..

Claire was awesome. I enjoyed spending time with her. My sister is great. And my niece? my niece is the best. I will post a bundle of pictures and videos taken over my trip. All taken with my cell phone since I forgot my memory card on top of my desk at home.

Brilliant, I am.

I have a few good stories but nothing too shocking. No boys. No tattoos. No topless bar dancing. No bars even. Just good times with my family - lots of great restaurants - and I'm still debating if I'm leaving with a $100 pair of leopard print shoes... if Macy's has my size..